Search Me, O God

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”—Psalm 139:23-24

A personalized prayer on Psalm 139:23-24, inspired by a Bible study I'm doing on guilt and motherhood.

Dear Heavenly Father-

Please examine me gently and tenderly, as only You can, and expose areas in my life that harm me and others. When my daughter does something foolish (and sinful—as young as she is) I want to lovingly and gently, yet firmly, guide her out of harm's way. I want to be honest with her, as much as that may upset her, and lead her to actions and attitudes that are correct and that will benefit and not harm her or others.

This is what I ask of You.

I know You are my loving Father and You care for me more than anyone else. I love You. Hold me close, as You gently move me to being a better person, that person You made me to be, as You are my Creator.

Mold me and fashion me, most of all, into Your Image.

With Love,

Cassy

The Fall in Spokane, WA (2013)

A Sweet Savor

 “A sweet savour unto the LORD.”—Leviticus 1:9b

“For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ.”—2 Corinthians 2:15

  

The Bible has a lot to say about sacrifices, offerings and atonement in both the Old and New Testaments. Some of it is very dry reading and quite gruesome, but the truths these verses express are anything but dull, especially when we ponder that the ultimate sacrifice was the one Christ did of Himself on our behalf, when He bled, suffered and died in our stead for the just punishment of every sin that has ever been committed (and will be committed) since Adam's sin in the Garden of Eden.

Unfortunately, not everyone who has ever lived has accepted that free and precious gift of Jesus' death on the cross. And the hell that was created solely for the devil and his angels (Matthew 25:41) has to enlarge itself each time a person dies without believing on Jesus and receiving His forgiveness of sins (Isaiah 5:14). In other words, they never received the sweet savor of Christ's sacrifice on their behalf. That savor that only Christ can offer, that goes up to the throne in Heaven, before God the Father, on our behalf.

Praise the Lord that there are many from every tribe, kindred, and language, who do believe in Jesus. They go before God the Father in Heaven and become “a sweet savour of Christ” to Him. That picture is so beautiful to me because it has nothing to do with my worth or my unworthiness. It has nothing to do with what country I live in or who my parents are. It has everything to do with Christ, Who He is and what He's done.

Which brings me to the heart of what I want to say on these verses above. When reading Leviticus 1:9 the other day, it occurred to me that I want to be a sweet savor to my Lord Jesus. I want to grow more in His image. I want my works to express the truths of His Word, the results of which become a sweet smell rising to Heaven under the nose of my Savior.

What this means for me is that I think it is time for a season of consecration to the Lord, when I sacrifice myself on the altar of His love and make myself open and available to be molded and changed into the person He wants me to be. This may hurt. This may show me sins I have yet to see and repent of.

I know this will be hard work, but this will be work He does in my life to bring me closer to Him, which is something I so desire.

After all, it is my reasonable service unto Him for all He's done for me. (Romans 12:1)

St.Vitus Cathedral in Prague, Czech Republic
(August 2005)

Five Minute Friday: Ordinary and Write

Below are two Five Minute Friday prompts. This week was off the word ordinary, and last week's was off the word write. The two fit nicely together, so I thought I'd post them both.

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Ordinary

When I was younger, I wanted to be anything but ordinary. I dreamed big and had aspirations that I imagine a lot of young people do.

When I was small, that dream was to be a ballet dancer. They were so beautiful with their graceful lines and delicate movement. Yes, that's what I wanted to be.

Then, it was to be an English teacher, even though I really was not very good at writing. Grammar, well that was another story.

The dreams began to fade for a while. I was just happy if I could make it to adulthood with as few emotional scars as possible. Lots of turmoil in those days, growing up. My high school years. And I was not quiet about it, turning some of my friends off with constant complaining.

Fast forward to Jesus, and my dreams were put into His hands. He lifted my view of the ordinary and guided me to a dream of a family. A husband. Children. And a church family to step in and become that stability I had so long needed in my life.

But during the first days with Jesus, He allowed me to dream about becoming a screen writer or a director or a writer or a photographer. I explored all those avenues until I graduated from college.

Since His dream for me of a family was not presenting itself, as quickly as I had thought, I began to live daily in the moments He provided me.

And my days have been anything but ordinary.

(The italicized portion was written after my “Five” minutes.)

Stehekin, WA(2008)

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Write

For as long as I can remember, I did not want to be a writer. I was actually a quite terrible writer. I couldn't get my words to say what I intended them to say going to school, and so, I was into math, science, physics even. Then, something changed in my 10^th grade English class. I wrote a paper on the topic of Sarcasm. And I got an A-. An A-! Those were the grades for my other classes … and yet, I did always have a penchant for grammar, being dubbed the grammar goddess in a successive English class only missing one or two out of 100 total questions. Yes, pride is an ugly thing, but I do think for me, it's nice to remember a bit of my history since so much has changed in my life these last three years.

But writing … who would have guessed that was going to play such a large role in my future? And it does. Today, that writing has taken on the form of pithy facebook statuses or an occasional heart-felt journal entry that I can turn into a devotion on my blog. Praise God for His guidance and gifting for that.

Lately, though, writing has taken the form of reading. I cannot believe how many books I have read this year. My mom gave me her Kindle, and it was all she wrote, so to speak. I have been reading so many words, so many thoughts on the pages of other writer's dreams. And I have been lifted again, to dream of that book that someday I hope to write, its words and topic still unknown to me, but brewing ever so gently in the background of my days.

(The italicized portion was written after my “Five” minutes.)