The Way Everlasting

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”—Psalms 139:23-24

This isn't the first time I have opened a devotion with this verse. But I prayed this the other day, and I wanted to share with you how God has answered that prayer so far. I am always a bit reluctant to pray this prayer or even sing this song during a church invitation, as I want it to be an honest prayer of my heart, and if it is an honest prayer of my heart, I am then afraid of what may be coming down the road for me as answers. Nevertheless, I felt led of the Lord to ask Him to search me, to try me, and then to lead me into His right ways. Today, on the other side of that prayer, I can honestly share with you that I am glad I prayed this. It is a humbling prayer to pray to God because with it, He will cut through the vanity and pride that we crowd our hearts with, and get to the bottom of sins that plague us.

It doesn't have to be an overwhelming flood of corrections and trials to bear fruit. His answer to this prayer may be quieter, and in His mercy, just between Him and you. I believe it is in the latter way that God has brought His answers to my prayer this week. Using the little trials that expose areas in my walk with God that He would like to refine, He has showed me a couple of areas that I need to keep in mind that He is God and that I need Him in every moment of every day. Even though I may be quite capable in the worldly sense of the word, I need to understand that I am really not capable at all, in light of His power, strength, and protection.

The first lesson of the week was that I let a computer virus into my work laptop. It was totally my fault. I knew better, but I was tricked. Of course, I did this on Monday, the start of my week. My Microsoft Outlook email program alone is a treasured asset that I use every day, and I currently do not even have access to that. All I do, that I would normally use Outlook for, such as a distribution list to send out job openings, I have to do from scratch now without my wonderful Outlook contact lists. This doesn't even get into the inconvenience of not being able to have access to the thousands of files that I may need to answer any given question that may come my way. Put it simply, I was bummed. So bummed that I took out some of my frustration on my precious daughter.

Thus, lesson number two. I did not control my temper as well as I could have when my daughter was so whiny (more than usual, I need to add, which is why I believe God used this to test me). I did not respond to her as I wished. I feel so guilty about this because I know over the years God has used many circumstances to draw out my temper problem. A wise preacher shared with me that God does help us overcome our particular sins, and just when we think we've got it handled, that we have gotten the victory, we may get puffed up about it as if somehow it was ourselves and not God who has overcome our sin. In those cases, He may need to draw out our particular sins from time to time in order that we have a healthy respect that it is God who helps us with our sins, not our own efforts. If left to ourselves, we would never overcome our sinful natures.

So, what have I learned about myself after praying Psalms 139:23-24?

In the first lesson of a virus destroying my work laptop, I believe God mainly wanted to test my trust in Him. To know that in the coming days and weeks of this inconvenience, He is in control and that He will provide many ways for me to get through this situation. I just need to rest in Him, trust in Him, and to pray to Him for wisdom to get around the difficulties of not having ready access to my old computer and files.

As for the second lesson on my anger problem, I believe God was testing me so that He could show me again, that this part of my sin nature is always present. And while I may have many victories in this area, I still need Him every day to help me get through my time here on earth without sinful anger and its consequences.

The reason why I can write this to you today in gratitude and with a prayer that it may encourage you, is because both of these situations came with God's precious Romans 8:28 closure. In the case of my computer laptop, I will still have access to my old Outlook as well as my valuable work-related (and even personal) documents. While that alone is a huge relief, I am also getting a brand new laptop, this one that will be at least 10 times better than my other one. Wow! What a great gift!

And in the case with my precious daughter, later that same evening I didn't handle myself as I wanted toward her, she crawled up into my arms, laid tummy down across my chest, and placed her head on my shoulder for several minutes, as I lovingly rubbed her back and basked in the love that only a child can give a mother. It was forgiveness in its most basic form.

Thank You, Jesus. Thank You for searching me, trying me, and then guiding me into the way everlasting. But most of all, thank You for loving me and answering my prayers.

 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that l've God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”—Romans 8:28

A beautiful spring view from a window in my home.
(Spokane, WA)