Sparing Your Words

“He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”—Proverbs 17:27-28

Have you ever desired to be wise and have a mouth full of wise words? I sure have and I still do. As I began to acquaint myself with the Bible soon after surrendering my life to the Lord, my first favorite Bible character was Solomon. Even today, he holds a special place in my heart. I love how when asked by God for any wish, he asked God for an understanding heart to rightly judge God’s people. And God gave him that and more. (1 Kings 3)

It could be said that because of this prayer request, we have the book of Proverbs, which was largely written by him. Tradition also ascribes the Song of Solomon and Ecclesiastes to him as well. In thinking about that, those portions of Scripture don’t even account for a large section of the Bible. In that, we can see the truth of these words above. 

Knowledge and wisdom are not necessarily found in grand words, lengthy speeches, or long pontifications about this or that point but are found in salient and direct thoughts that apply to all generations. Or in silence.

Think of it this way. Have you ever thought to yourself that the Bible should be a bigger book? The last verse of the Gospel of John even alludes to this thought: “And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written.” (John 21:25)

Wisdom, knowledge, and truth do not need large shelves or many volumes in which to be placed. It’s a beautiful thing that we have many books written from different perspectives to help us understand truths better. But I believe all we need to know can be found in Scripture, which has just the right number of pages and just the right amount of words to accomplish God’s desire to pass His wisdom to His children.

In application to my own life, Lord, help me to understand my own thoughts and words in light of this truth, that sparing my words – and holding my tongue – is often the wiser and more knowledgeable choice.  

Sibiu, Romania (December 2005)

Five Minute Friday: Encouragement

It’s funny how little things encourage me. A sudden, sneaky joke from my husband, that just makes me laugh over our dinner table. When all seems so somber and serious and quite frankly, a little dull, in came my husband with a statement that just made me laugh and laugh.

Or how about when I go upstairs to get my daughter from her crib. The way she looks at me as I walk through the door, with a kind of gleeful anticipation, and how she will be silly or serious, depending on her mood, and hand me her blanky, because you know mom, I can’t go anywhere without this.

Or how a simple thank you from your boss, because he knows he’s been so busy the last several weeks, and how I may have allowed some insecurity to creep in and wonder, are we okay? Which I did ask him, and he said yes, and then he said, he must be busier than he should be … and so today, a deliberate thank you from him to me.

Or a verse and how it will sing gloriously off the pages of Scripture when you are waking up with your tea and your daughter is faithfully watching the morning cartoons, with the sound off, as mommy needs to “hear” her Savior … and how that verse just lifts off the page into your mind and down into your heart.

Those things, and more, are great examples of encouragement in my life.

He Crowns Our Years with His Goodness

“Thou crownest the year with thy goodness.”—Psalm 65:11a

My heart is not always effusive with joy. What I mean is, sometimes it is not easy for me to be thankful to God. Of course, in the general sense, I am thankful for Him and what He’s done in my life. I am even thankful for the hardships He has allowed me to go through because, not only has He brought me through my hardships, but He has taught me beautiful truths through the trials that are etched on my soul today.

But a general sort of thankfulness? No, that is not my natural state. I tend to examine the flaws of myself and of others, and study our deficiencies and what the Bible says are the solutions for them to satisfy my need to feel correct in my judgment.

While going to Scripture is a wonderful thing, the purpose I use Scripture for may not always be used with a “1-Corinthians-chapter-13” kind of love. You know, a love that is long-suffering and not prideful. A love that is not self-serving. A love that is hopeful. A love that is kind.

Truthfully, when I examine myself, I know I could use more of this kind of love toward myself and others. I know I could have more of a hopeful viewpoint from which to see the world.

This verse above simply says God crowns the years (and I believe we can rightly say “our” years) with His goodness, and what follows is how it speaks to my heart about thankfulness. I believe it is through the lens of God’s goodness from which I need to view the world. So, instead of seeing faults and getting bitter about those faults in myself and others, I see Him and His goodness. In everything.

See, He really does have the power to turn every situation into His glory, albeit for those that love Him (Romans 8:28). He can turn the ashes of our lives into a beauty we would have not thought possible (Isaiah 61:3). I believe these statements are true because they are found in Scripture, but I also believe these are true statements because they have happened to me.

Where I falter, and where my fears and doubts begin to arise, is in trusting that they will happen to me in the future, and prayerfully, in the lives of my loved ones and others I may be praying for. This is the essence of faith, really. A faith in Him that He can and will perform these truths. And is that not one of the major truths of Christianity? That we have a God Who we trust in not only for our salvation but with our lives—past, present and future?

My sweet, precious and loving Savior, as this verse says above, You crown the years with Your goodness, and it is not always easy for me to see Your goodness. I often fear, falter, and doubt that Your Hand is moving in my daily life. These are sins of my heart, and I confess that to You. Please cleanse me and heal me of these sins and then lead me to see things through Your goodness so that I may be thankful to You for all You have done, are doing, and will do.

 “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

—1 Thessalonians 5:18

My Street in Spokane, WA
(December 2010)

Evazatu and Its Pictures of Poverty

“Mine eye affecteth mine heart.”—Lamentations 3:51a

What follows was part of a newsletter I emailed home to my family and friends, on occasion, while I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Romania. This was written about eight and a half years ago, and this particular newsletter was about the gypsy community who my church ministered to in Onesti (pronounced “oh-nesht”). I decided to keep this article written in the present tense. The verse above is an apt summary of how God used these pictures of poverty to affect my heart and teach me lessons that I continue to process today.

__________________

EVAZATU is the name of the bloc apartment building (above) that is located across the street from the church I am a member of while I lived in Romania. What distinguishes it from the other blocs (as these Communist-era buildings are called) in Onesti is the fact that it houses mostly gypsies. It is also notoriously known as the worst place in Onesti because it is also the location of many thieves and prostitutes, as well as individuals and families who just cannot afford to live anywhere else.

From what I know, the rent for a one-room apartment runs about 200,000 lei, or roughly $6 a month. There are one and two-room apartments, and as of the writing of this newsletter home, I have only seen what a one-room apartment looks like.

I have personally nick-named it the ghetto of Onesti. Many people are afraid to enter the bloc, as it is perceived, with validity, as a dangerous place.

For those familiar with the way many immigrants live together crammed into a small apartment or house in America, Evazatu’s brand of housing is no different. My friend and fellow church member, who is pictured below on the right holding her niece, lives in her room with her five sons, not to mention probably about 100 cockroaches. Two of her boys sleep on the bed/couch with her, and her other three boys sleep on the floor.

You can’t see it very well, but her “stove” is under that black pot of rice soup on the right in this photograph. It is a brick that is wrapped with a piece of metal coil that heats up when plugged in. This is a very dangerous contraption, having already caused a small fire, which burned her curtains in the background, and at the same time, it is a precious commodity, many in Evazatu having to share the use of one to cook their daily meals.

They have one sink in the room, which is also shown below, and that sink is the kitchen, bathroom, and laundry sink, all in one. Above her sink is her family’s “medicine cabinet.”

The toilets are shared in Evazatu and are located at the end of the halls (pictured below).

At the end of the halls garbage is swept into a pile, as if to keep it out of sight.

Many of the children and church members that go to my church live in Evazatu, so I have gotten to know some of its stories very well. Probably one of the saddest stories is about a four or five-year-old boy who would show up to church from time to time. His father has been in jail for a while, and his mom was just arrested for prostitution. He is terribly abused by his mother, the signs of which have been observed in my church frequently. He just stays with a neighbor (I hope), but he should be picked up by the state, as he no longer has parents that live there. He is treated like one of the stray dogs in Romania, abused by both children and adults that live in Evazatu. He loves my dear friend and sister in Christ, who teaches the children’s class at my church, and who also gave him a piece of her cake the night before writing this. It was probably the best thing he ate that day. I have reported him to the authorities, and now we are just waiting, and praying, that he will be cared for soon.

It is my opinion that poverty looks the same everywhere, and Evazatu is only one glimpse into its face—the poor being always with us.

“For ye have the poor with you always, 

and whensoever ye will ye may do them good.”—Mark 14:7a

_____________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: Many years later, while I was settling back into my American life, tragedy struck the family I featured in this update. There was a fire in her apartment in which two children died, one of whom I know was her youngest son at the time I lived there. We may never understand fully why such tragedies happen, but I thank God that He can turn the ashes of our lives into beauty and that He has faithful servants throughout the world able to minister to the needs of the communities they have been called to serve. The biggest need—salvation in our Lord Jesus Christ.

The little boy in the middle was the one who died in the fire.
One of his brothers is on the left, and his mother on the right.

Five Minute Friday: Fight

If there is one word that represents what I do not want 2014 to be is a year full of “Fight.” This word, unfortunately, has many roots in some memories from a time before I would rather not think on.

So, with the dawning of a new day, a new year, or even a new moment, I have hopes for peace, comfort and rest. I believe I am experiencing all those things and more in each and every day. I believe I receive the opposite of “fight” each time I hold my daughter in my arms. It's the same feeling of when I lay in my husband's arms. It's the feeling of family, of warmth, of closeness, of a general feeling of belonging that I rest in almost every day.

As the years have added to my life these new experiences and warm feelings, I am filled with such thankfulness for a Father in Heaven, Who has walked with me through the winding roads of my past, and Who is straightening those paths in front of me as we walk into a future I only dreamed of before.

I look up at Him, my precious Father and Friend, and I say thank you, Jesus, for leading me out of my “fight” and into my peace.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”—Jeremiah 29:11

Sinaia, Romania (2005)

Herein is Love

“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us,

and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”—1 John 4:10

“We love him, because he first loved us.”—1 John 4:19

Snowflakes on the ground. Colored lights on frosted windows. Wreaths hung and trees decorated.* Families visiting. Cookies baked. Presents wrapped. Fires lit. Dinners cooked. And hot chocolate sipped.

‘Tis the Season of this annual festival of joy that brings back warm memories of times spent in laughter, wonder and closeness with those who are nearest our hearts. (I know this may not be the case for everyone, and I hope that for them, each year, their hearts heal a little more.)

It has also come to be the time in which Christians traditionally reflect on our Savior’s birth. How He was born of a virgin, wrapped in swaddling clothes and placed in a manger—a scene that is illustrated in myriad ways across the globe, in church plays, humble scripture readings, and in simple crèches in homes and on lawns. 

This is the true meaning of the season for many. With that said, I recently read an article about how Christ was not really born on this day (something I have heard before), but that He was most likely incarnated in Mary’s womb around this time (something I have not heard before). So, December 25 could have been the moment that God became flesh for us. What a tremendous thought and a glorious thing to celebrate!

There is yet another theme I am reflecting on this particular season: love, specifically God’s love for us and our love for God and others. God’s love for us can be summed up upon reading the passages I chose to begin this devotion above, in addition to probably the most popular verse in the New Testament:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”—John 3:16

The best section of Scripture, in my estimation, about how our love should be toward others is found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

We can be the most eloquent of speakers proclaiming the truth, and yet, if we have not love in the proclamation, we speak as the clinging of brass instruments. Not a pretty sound at all! (1 Corinthians 13:1)

We can have the gift of prophecy, understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and have all faith, and yet without charity, we are nothing and our works are nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:2)

We can sell all that we have to feed the poor and we can sacrifice our bodies to be burned, and yet, without love, those things do not profit us. They become empty sacrifices. (1 Corinthians 13:3)

And then, if those things are not convicting enough, there is more we ought to know about how charity is expressed through us:

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”—1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Two areas resonate to me especially: “Charity suffereth long (or is long suffering) … [and] is not easily provoked.”

Goodness, how just those two descriptions of charity convict me and show me I have a lot to learn in my Christian love. See, I know I am often impatient with others, and I get mad hastily, often with the slightest provocation.

I know I have grown much in this area, mainly because of and through my relationship with my husband. He has been a great teacher and guide for me in these areas. But I don’t want to stop growing. I want to be more loving, more charitable, toward others than I have ever before.

Would not that be the greatest present I could give to my family and loved ones during this season of giving?

It would simply be a small reflection of the love Christ has shown all of us when He became flesh and bore the penalty of our sins upon Himself through His death on the cross, so that we could be justified freely and fully to live eternally with Him.

Lord Jesus, may those same words You used Paul to write in 1 Corinthians 13 be written on the tablets of my heart, so that You may ever and always be glorified in me, not just this one time of the year, when many of us gather together to celebrate the moment You became flesh or the day You were born.

 (*I mean no disrespect to my brothers and sisters in Christ who believe strongly against decorating trees based on their reading of Jeremiah 10. I respect their freedom of conscience. I also respect the freedom of conscience of those who do not have that belief.)

Cal Poly Poinsettias (San Luis Obispo, CA)

A Resting Place

“And the ark of the covenant of the LORD went before them in the three days’ journey, to search out a resting place for them.”—Numbers 10:33b

With Thanksgiving drawing near, and along with that, menus to create, shopping lists to make, and chores to do, this season’s busyness may eclipse something very important God wants us to know or, rather, something He wants us to remember: His glorious work in our lives.

My husband and I are participating in a small group at the church we are attending. Over the last couple months, we have met every other week. We have prayed for one another, gotten to know one another, and discussed the Sunday sermons and its themes and how they apply to our lives.

Last night, we broke off into two smaller groups, and a beautiful thing happened in our midst. We each shared our testimonies. We shared salient points in our spiritual journey that led us to Jesus, and the moment we came to faith in Him, each of us coming to Him through different circumstances. 

Some came to faith quietly, others with great drama, and still others somewhere in between.

In that beautiful time of sharing, though, I remembered something so very precious I had forgotten in my own testimony. It was not the story of my faith in Christ but the beginning of my story in how I came to give my life to Him, when I became His disciple.

It began when I had sought counseling from my family’s pastor in my early twenties because I had “blown” it with that same family. I had crossed the line in my anger and disrespect toward them, and I knew I needed help. As I was sitting in this pastor’s living room, he began sharing a story from Scripture. I thought he might as well have been speaking Greek as I was so unused to Biblical names and the formal style of Biblical writing. That did not matter though, because the Holy Spirit removed a dark veil from my understanding and deposited truth into my heart that broke me. In less than an hour, I knew my sin. I knew I had a problem with authority and that was the “root” error in my life and the source of many of my poor decisions. I knew it was a result of my parents’ divorce and the broken boundaries that resulted. I knew it was not my fault, which gave me a tremendous amount of consolation and comfort. What was my fault and would continue to be my fault, though, was how I would choose to live my life in light of my problem with authority.

When I left this wonderful pastor’s home (he did become my pastor, by the way, and he was a man God used to grow me and mold me into the Christian I am today), I remember walking to my car and having this sense of vulnerability I had not experienced for a long time. It was as if my heart that had been hardened over the years had finally softened and became open to the love of God for me. At the same time, God healed me in that He gave me the ability to forgive my father, who I was the most hurt by, as he was the one who left our family and started this cascade of unfortunate events in my life that were out of my control.

It was the most beautiful thing, and sadly, I had forgotten it. I did not forget Him giving me the gift of His forgiveness toward my dad, but I forgot being broken through His Word sitting in my soon-to-be pastor’s living room. I forgot that beautiful feeling of vulnerability after so many years of being hard.

Well, this Thanksgiving, I want to remember how God brought me to my “resting place.” I want to remember how much He loves me and how much He sought me out and cleaned up my life in order to experience His love with a pure conscience. My sins had become such a heavy load, and I was nearing the moment I would repent of those sins and lay my life down at His feet to do with it what He will. But before the moment I gave my life to Him, Jesus had allowed me to truly feel His life in me for which I am thankful.

I encourage you to reflect on your journey with the Lord and remember a time you clearly felt His work in your life. Ask Him to show you a detail you may have forgotten and thank Him for what He has done for you.

And have a marvelous Thanksgiving!

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”—James 2:17

Park Bench in Onesti, Romania
(May 2005)

His Way is Perfect

 (Originally Written March 6, 2007)

“He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he.”—Deuteronomy 32:4

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.”—2 Samuel 22:31

“As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.”—Psalm 18:30

How much more of an end to complaining about what is happening and what is not happening in my life do I need in these verses? I think, I’m 33, and single, and childless. But, “His way is perfect.” I am living at home with mom, making reasonably good money, resettling into American life at a nice pace after coming back from two years in Romania … but, I’m NOT so many things. Again, “His way is perfect.” I am only an assistant at a TV station … “His way is perfect.” I’m not serving Him on the mission field in any capacity like I had envisioned myself doing when I believe God called me to the field … nor do I really have the burden to do that again right now.

“His way is perfect.”

Oh my soul, can you not make these verses the meditation of your heart should you go through another low moment? Remind yourself of His perfection in your life when you dream the big plans, but God’s door does not seem to open on the future you had originally envisioned for yourself.

Oh, my soul, beg God for wisdom and discernment and the capacity to remain spiritual and weed out those things that are stunting your growth.

Lord, help me and mold me into the image You have for me, and help me be contented and pleased to find that Your way is ever right ….ever beautiful … and ever perfect.

I love You so very much and am so glad You are a part of my life. And that I am a part of Yours. Help the meditations of my heart as I lay my head on the pillow be filled with these thoughts tonight … and warmed by the brightness of Your love for me.

----

Fast forward to November 20, 2013, and I can truly say all my waiting and my trusting God have led me to the “desires of my heart.” Today, at 40, I have been married for just over three years to a wonderful man, and we are raising a beautiful little girl. I do not know where we are going from here, but I do know, yes, “His way is perfect.”

Morro Bay, CA

Made Perfect by the Flesh?

“Are ye so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?”

—Galatians 3:3

“For the just shall live by faith.”—Galatians 3:11b

I have been thinking about how Christians down through the ages have slipped into the thinking that somehow, even though we are saved through faith in Jesus Christ, we need to continue in the flesh to be justified before Him.

I believe some born-again Christians slip into it with the idea that they can “lose” their salvation if they forsake their faith or sin a sin that can remove their salvation in Christ. (I may be oversimplifying here for the sake of brevity. Forgive me. I mean no disrespect to my brothers and sisters in Christ that hold this view. I only mean to illustrate how I believe this is one way, in my opinion based on what I read from Scripture, we can slip into a justified-by-the-flesh mentality.)

I also believe Biblical fundamentalists of all kinds can get caught up in the trap of believing that separation from the world proves they are justified before God. What I mean is someone can have the conviction that the ladies in their family should wear skirts. In so doing, the flesh has a tendency to view others who do not share in that conviction as somehow less justified in God’s eyes. And vice versa. Those who do not hold that conviction can look down on those who do. Both are wrong, in my view, and I believe an application of Romans 14 fits here. (Again, I am oversimplifying for the sake of brevity. I believe there are those who have that particular conviction but do not have the belief that they are better than another, as well I believe there are those who do not have that conviction but who are kind and respectful to those that do.)

For me, I have a tendency (which is just a bad habit) of looking on the outward choices of an individual and then making harsh and critical judgments about his or her walk with God. One such example is the way I look down on those who do not have a commitment to attending the Lord’s house regularly. I believe they are backslidden and not walking with the Lord, which may be the case, but unfortunately, I don't stop there. I condemn them for their “deficiency” in their walk with God, which is not spiritual at all, and judge them harshly, even sometimes getting angry toward them. This is so wrong, and I can see that it is wrong when I read 2 Timothy 2:24-26, the passage on being a gentle servant.

When I step back and look at the whole person, whom I condemned, I feel so ashamed because I can see they are more advanced (for lack of a better word) in other areas of the Christian life, areas that I am continuing to work on, such as my temper, for the sake of honest disclosure.

There are so many examples I can go into. Suffice it to say, I think what I am learning is that none of us is perfect and none of us can be made perfect by following “law” or rules for our flesh. While some of these self-prescribed rules are beneficial and rest on Scriptural principles and personal convictions God has directed us to, we are not made perfect in them and we are not justified by them. I think the Lord is trying to tell me that I need to understand that to walk with Him is to Walk in the Spirit, not the flesh, period. Principles of separation and principles toward holiness are the result, but they should never be the goal for my own justification.

God has justified me already. I do not have to do one thing to keep it, to earn it, and to prove it.

Dear Lord, help me to learn more about what it means to Walk in the Spirit and to be justified by faith, and let the fruits of my walk be as they should be, from the heart in obedience to what You show me on my journey.

Luang Prahbang, Laos. (2000)

Yet I Will Trust Him

 “He trusted in the LORD God of Israel; so that after him was none like him among all the kings of Judah, nor any that were before him. For he clave to the LORD, and departed not from following him, but kept his commandments, which the LORD commanded Moses. And the LORD was with him...”—2 Kings 18:5-7a

“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: 

but I will maintain mine own ways before him.”

—Job 13:15

Several Thanksgiving's ago, when I was in Romania, there was a terrible accident that happened to my pastor's family there. They were cutting wood with a planer, and the daughter's mitten had gotten stuck in the planer. As a result, her hand wound up going through it, too. The mother had called me to explain the accident, and I remember being stunned at the turn of events. Soon after, the family went to the states to get the physical care needed to restore as much of the daughter's hand as possible. There was much good that happened as a result of this tragic event in this family, and for me personally, it was a moment in my Christian life where I experienced Job 13:15, “Though he slay me, yet I will trust in him.” I remember God giving me this verse at the time, as my heart, as well as the heart of the church family there, was heavy with sorrow for them. Yet, God spoke to me this verse to comfort me, but also as a request to still trust Him, despite circumstances. The family certainly displayed this characteristic of Job during this trial.

Yet, there is another element to trusting God, persevering in doing right despite the difficulties that may come. Our difficulties may not even be the result of doing right, but simply a turn in the road God has foreordained. While such a turning can lead one to give up on God and His ways, Hezekiah and Job showed us in these Scriptures how we should continue to trust in God and to continue to maintain our walks before Him.

He is pure, where we are not. He knows the end from the beginning, when we don't. We often fail, and He never fails. We are to trust Him, no matter what.

I think of my own walk. How that little things can easily persuade me to slacken in my walk with God. I view others and what I see God doing or not doing in their lives, and wonder, is it worth the effort? This godly living. This passion for purity before the Lord.

Then I think of His sweet fellowship and times of refreshing communion. I know that if I resist Him and His leading in my life, the sweetness of my relationship with Him is less. I know He loves me the same yesterday, today and forever, but because I am but flesh, I feel the ups and downs of my closeness with Him because of the way I react to the events of my day. The way I trust Him or don't trust Him.

Lord, You are so gracious to us, and we don't even know just how much so. You are patient with our frailties, when we are not patient with our own. You love us, despite ourselves. For that I am so grateful. Thank You for this lesson in trust, and please, my Savior, help me to persevere despite the turns in the road, so that our communion will be sweet in the good times and the bad times.

“I will trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever.”—Psalm 52:8b

Damaged Gypsy Home in Conti, Romania
Taken after the Flood of 2005
(August 2005)

Search Me, O God

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”—Psalm 139:23-24

A personalized prayer on Psalm 139:23-24, inspired by a Bible study I'm doing on guilt and motherhood.

Dear Heavenly Father-

Please examine me gently and tenderly, as only You can, and expose areas in my life that harm me and others. When my daughter does something foolish (and sinful—as young as she is) I want to lovingly and gently, yet firmly, guide her out of harm's way. I want to be honest with her, as much as that may upset her, and lead her to actions and attitudes that are correct and that will benefit and not harm her or others.

This is what I ask of You.

I know You are my loving Father and You care for me more than anyone else. I love You. Hold me close, as You gently move me to being a better person, that person You made me to be, as You are my Creator.

Mold me and fashion me, most of all, into Your Image.

With Love,

Cassy

The Fall in Spokane, WA (2013)

A Sweet Savor

 “A sweet savour unto the LORD.”—Leviticus 1:9b

“For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ.”—2 Corinthians 2:15

  

The Bible has a lot to say about sacrifices, offerings and atonement in both the Old and New Testaments. Some of it is very dry reading and quite gruesome, but the truths these verses express are anything but dull, especially when we ponder that the ultimate sacrifice was the one Christ did of Himself on our behalf, when He bled, suffered and died in our stead for the just punishment of every sin that has ever been committed (and will be committed) since Adam's sin in the Garden of Eden.

Unfortunately, not everyone who has ever lived has accepted that free and precious gift of Jesus' death on the cross. And the hell that was created solely for the devil and his angels (Matthew 25:41) has to enlarge itself each time a person dies without believing on Jesus and receiving His forgiveness of sins (Isaiah 5:14). In other words, they never received the sweet savor of Christ's sacrifice on their behalf. That savor that only Christ can offer, that goes up to the throne in Heaven, before God the Father, on our behalf.

Praise the Lord that there are many from every tribe, kindred, and language, who do believe in Jesus. They go before God the Father in Heaven and become “a sweet savour of Christ” to Him. That picture is so beautiful to me because it has nothing to do with my worth or my unworthiness. It has nothing to do with what country I live in or who my parents are. It has everything to do with Christ, Who He is and what He's done.

Which brings me to the heart of what I want to say on these verses above. When reading Leviticus 1:9 the other day, it occurred to me that I want to be a sweet savor to my Lord Jesus. I want to grow more in His image. I want my works to express the truths of His Word, the results of which become a sweet smell rising to Heaven under the nose of my Savior.

What this means for me is that I think it is time for a season of consecration to the Lord, when I sacrifice myself on the altar of His love and make myself open and available to be molded and changed into the person He wants me to be. This may hurt. This may show me sins I have yet to see and repent of.

I know this will be hard work, but this will be work He does in my life to bring me closer to Him, which is something I so desire.

After all, it is my reasonable service unto Him for all He's done for me. (Romans 12:1)

St.Vitus Cathedral in Prague, Czech Republic
(August 2005)

Five Minute Friday: Ordinary and Write

Below are two Five Minute Friday prompts. This week was off the word ordinary, and last week's was off the word write. The two fit nicely together, so I thought I'd post them both.

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Ordinary

When I was younger, I wanted to be anything but ordinary. I dreamed big and had aspirations that I imagine a lot of young people do.

When I was small, that dream was to be a ballet dancer. They were so beautiful with their graceful lines and delicate movement. Yes, that's what I wanted to be.

Then, it was to be an English teacher, even though I really was not very good at writing. Grammar, well that was another story.

The dreams began to fade for a while. I was just happy if I could make it to adulthood with as few emotional scars as possible. Lots of turmoil in those days, growing up. My high school years. And I was not quiet about it, turning some of my friends off with constant complaining.

Fast forward to Jesus, and my dreams were put into His hands. He lifted my view of the ordinary and guided me to a dream of a family. A husband. Children. And a church family to step in and become that stability I had so long needed in my life.

But during the first days with Jesus, He allowed me to dream about becoming a screen writer or a director or a writer or a photographer. I explored all those avenues until I graduated from college.

Since His dream for me of a family was not presenting itself, as quickly as I had thought, I began to live daily in the moments He provided me.

And my days have been anything but ordinary.

(The italicized portion was written after my “Five” minutes.)

Stehekin, WA(2008)

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Write

For as long as I can remember, I did not want to be a writer. I was actually a quite terrible writer. I couldn't get my words to say what I intended them to say going to school, and so, I was into math, science, physics even. Then, something changed in my 10^th grade English class. I wrote a paper on the topic of Sarcasm. And I got an A-. An A-! Those were the grades for my other classes … and yet, I did always have a penchant for grammar, being dubbed the grammar goddess in a successive English class only missing one or two out of 100 total questions. Yes, pride is an ugly thing, but I do think for me, it's nice to remember a bit of my history since so much has changed in my life these last three years.

But writing … who would have guessed that was going to play such a large role in my future? And it does. Today, that writing has taken on the form of pithy facebook statuses or an occasional heart-felt journal entry that I can turn into a devotion on my blog. Praise God for His guidance and gifting for that.

Lately, though, writing has taken the form of reading. I cannot believe how many books I have read this year. My mom gave me her Kindle, and it was all she wrote, so to speak. I have been reading so many words, so many thoughts on the pages of other writer's dreams. And I have been lifted again, to dream of that book that someday I hope to write, its words and topic still unknown to me, but brewing ever so gently in the background of my days.

(The italicized portion was written after my “Five” minutes.)

Job's Vulnerability

“And he sat down among the ashes.”—Job 2:8b

Job was not scared to be vulnerable with God. His thoughts, his words, and his actions seem to regularly come from a vulnerable place when I read his story. His relationship with God was natural—truer and deeper than anything I have personally experienced.

I think of my fleshly vessel, how I often placate it, nourish it with treats, and give it pleasure at the cost of my walk with God. When it comes to my spirit, I starve it and put it in a corner to be avoided, so hopefully God will not see what I am doing to it. (How foolish!)

Job seemed to surrender to the events of his life with such painful grace. I do not think it was easy for him, which is why I believe he is mentioned in Scripture with high praise along with Noah and Daniel, as men who could only save themselves (and not anyone else) with their own righteousness, if that were possible. (Ezekiel 14:14)

I do not think he rebelled. He did question God’s reasons behind allowing all the bad things to happen, and he did feel sorry for himself. But he came forth as gold because, for one thing, he fed his spirit with the things of God prior to his world turning upside down. His relationship with God was on solid ground, and when Job needed to rest on his faith, he had a mountain of spiritual strength behind him to lean upon. This strength did not come from him, but from the One he had a relationship with, His Savior.

I believe if we nourished our spiritual life with Christ regularly, we would live a full and abundant life, despite the circumstances that come our way. I believe we would have an honest and natural relationship with Christ, in which we could approach Him from our places of vulnerability, just as Job did. I believe our daily activities would be clothed with the heavenly and the view of the world around us would be grounded in the Bible.

Life is not black and white. There is much grey in the in between moments that make up our lifetimes. We do not live in perfection here on earth. Job did not either. He had much to repent of at the end of his story. But what he did right, I believe, was he had a close relationship with God before, during and after his great trial.

Truly, God filled his cup.

  

Fill my cup, Lord;

I lift it up Lord;

Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.

Bread of Heaven, feed me till I want no more.

Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

From “Fill My Cup, Lord” by Richard Blanchard

Taken in Harmony, CA.

Little by Little

“I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate, and the beast of the field multiply against thee. By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.”—Exodus 23:39-30

I don't know about you, but sometimes I can get so frustrated praying because that prayer request is not being answered on my time schedule. Above is a good portion of Scripture for me to keep in mind when my frustration level boils too high. I am human and fully admit to my lack of understanding of God's time frame when I don't experience immediate answers. Most of us, as His children, know that God is loving and kind and works all things together for good for those that love Him. (Romans 8:28) And yet, we get frustrated, confused, and easily discouraged if we don't see the answers we are looking for to our prayers right after we pray them.

Then, like a breath of fresh air, God can kindly and gently guide us into the truth of what He's doing by delaying the answer. Like He said to Israel about inheriting the Promised Land in the book of Exodus, this promise's fulfillment was not going to come right away, or even speedily. And He blessed them further with the explanation why, so that they can increase in numbers before they take over the land and so that the beasts of the field would not overrun the desolate land thereby making it uninhabitable for them.

In fact, He was going to approach His promise little by little.

Well, I think the same can be applied to our prayer requests that are Biblical and in His will and yet not answered within our time frames.

This passage above comforts me in this truth. I begin to understand that God is Sovereign and sees the end from the beginning. We do not. He is the Master Potter, molding and shaping us in preparation for our desired answer. We are not. He can change hearts and fertilize the ground upon which our prayer requests can be accomplished. We cannot. He alone knows what He's doing in our lives and in the lives of those around us. However, sometimes, in His precious love and kindness, He lets us get a glimpse behind the scenes. When that happens, I need to purpose to rest in Him for the answers and to never give up praying for the things desired, trusting that He will guide my prayers toward their expected end.

Thank You, Jesus, for Your Word, and the way it equips me to keep pressing on.

“Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.”

—Proverbs 13:12

Spokane, WA (June 2013)

Five Minute Friday: She

She, who is my daughter. With her chocolate brown eyes and deep brown curls. With her crinkle nose smiles and her fake whines. With her cuddles in blankets and games of up and down and peek-a-boo. She, who is my daughter, I'm falling in love with everyday. One minute my eyes will be on the computer screen deciphering an email from a co-worker, and the next minute they are resting on my daughter as she plays face down on the carpet in our “office” underneath her blanket—her first fort.

At first, I didn't feel that overwhelming love for her. At first, she felt like an inconvenience, yes one that was wanted, but an inconvenience just the same. But she, who is my daughter, is teaching me what it means to love unconditionally. She, who is my daughter, loves her mommy, and in return, I want to love her as I am meant to. I know this love cannot be without our Divine Savior because only in Him is perfect love. Daily, I take this journey with my daughter, and with our hands intertwined, we will walk toward a more perfect love for one another.

Me and my little girl.
(April 2013)

He Washes Our Feet

“Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.”—John 13:3-5

I have been meditating on this topic for over two weeks now, believing that this was to be the subject of my next devotion. Time got away from me, though, and what I probably should have written a while ago, I’m only getting to today. I kept thinking, “How am I going to approach this section of Scripture that just shouts from the housetops that Jesus loves us so very much? How can I share with others what has affected me profoundly, when I don’t even have the ability to express all the riches and depth of knowledge I receive from this portion of Scripture? Lord, will You help me?”

And so, I begin to read this passage again and notice very quickly how Jesus had all things in His possession, as well as knew Who He was and where He was going. He draws me to Himself with His cords of love here because He knows He is God, and yet, He humbles Himself to serve His disciples. Since I am His and a disciple, I believe this is like saying He humbles Himself to serve me.

So, does that mean He lays aside His garments, girds Himself with a towel, pours water into a basin and begins to wash my feet, today? I say, absolutely, in a Spiritual sense. I believe Jesus is in Heaven caring so very much about me and my walk in this life. He cares about my sanctification and growth in Him and from time to time He “washes” my feet. He gently and directly goes to the source of what’s making my attitude, my choices, and my thoughts filthy, and cleans it away. Then I begin, again, to walk on this road of life, and He’s there waiting for me to yield to Him “my feet” for the next cleansing that will most certainly be needed. Did not Peter even have to realize that the cleansing cannot come unless we surrender ourselves to Him?

I can’t look at this section of Scripture and not see His overwhelming love and humility toward us, and how that by His example, we are to have the same mind toward others.

“If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.—John 13:14-16

Lord, this is just my small take-a-way from such a glorious passage. Please give those that read this Scripture something uniquely for them. Please show them clearly, just how much you love them, too. In Your Precious and Wonderful Name, Amen. 

Budapest, Hungary
(January 2005)

Five Minute Friday: Red

I know I've written about her before, even on my blog. But her eyes stand out and always will. I can only be in awe of the depth of the look she gave me those years ago, after the “great” flood of Onesti, when my church family went to give a puppet Bible lesson to all the children in her village. She stunned me with her look and behind her was a boy, barely older than her looking off into the distance at just the right moment, when my finger touched the button that set in motion their capture on my camera.

That red sweater. How old was it? Where did it come from? Was it in the dumpster behind one of the many bloc apartment buildings when mom or dad went scavenging for anything of value to keep their family fed? I didn't look that closely, but I imagine it was frayed and filthy, nothing like the beauty of her face … of her innocence.

It was that look in her eyes that captivated me before, and it will always be the look in her eyes that keeps my attention in the years to come. She was beautiful. This little girl. A gypsy. An innocent.

Miora (Conti, Romania)
July 2005

I Stand Amazed

“But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”—Isaiah 53:5

“The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: 

so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.”—Proverbs 20:30

“Then came the day of unleavened bread, when the passover must be killed.”—Luke 22:7

Christ, our Passover Lamb. The One Who was wounded, afflicted, and killed for our healing. When I take a look at that picture, I am deeply moved by Jesus Christ and what He's done for me. He is just so awesome, and I don't mean to use that word with today's casual meaning. I mean awesome as in He is beyond my human comprehension. And yet, in such simple language full of grace and truth, God explains to us in Scripture all He did for us, when He became flesh and blood and at the conclusion of that life here on earth, how that He suffered and died for us.

I stand amazed!

Let me look to Jesus often. He is the One my Christianity is all about. Not forms or traditions, although if those are biblical and bring me closer to the Savior, I believe those have wisdom in them. (Colossians 2:20-23)

A good start for me is to read Isaiah 53, a beautiful passage of scripture that prophecies the coming Savior to man. When I read that passage, I am struck by the section that reads, “We have turned every one to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6b). When I read that in context to all He's done on my behalf, offering me a new start—free and full forgiveness for all my transgressions—not because I have been punished for my sins, but because He has, I stand amazed!

So often though, I know I'm like Peter who denies the Lord, maybe not in words or quite as literally as Peter did when Jesus was betrayed and delivered into the hands of His accusers. It's when I worry, doubt, or disobey my Jesus, etc., that I do deny Him and His power over my circumstances. I think if I go back to Isaiah 53, it will be like that moment after Peter denied Jesus three times and Jesus looked at Peter, in the midst of all His suffering, as if to say, Peter, I love you still. Remember, I told you Satan desired to sift you as wheat. But remember also, I told you I prayed for you, that your faith fail not and that when you are converted, when you acknowledge your error, go and strengthen your brothers and sisters in Christ.

And after that compassionate look of knowing, Peter wept bitterly. He denied his Savior, but his Savior forgives him and loves him still.

Take heart in what you are going through. Put your eyes back onto Jesus. He will never leave or forsake you.

And stand amazed for all He's done for you, all He's doing for you, and all He will do for you.

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I stand amazed in the presence

of Jesus the Nazarene,

and wonder how he could love me,

a sinner, condemned, unclean.

He took my sins and my sorrows,

he made them his very own;

he bore the burden to Calvary,

and suffered and died alone.

How marvelous! How wonderful!

And my song shall ever be:

How marvelous! How wonderful

is my Savior's love for me!

(Excerpt from: I Stand Amazed in the Presence by Charles H. Gabriel)

Manito Park Dahlia Garden
Spokane, WA
(August 2007)