Five Minute Friday: Fight

If there is one word that represents what I do not want 2014 to be is a year full of “Fight.” This word, unfortunately, has many roots in some memories from a time before I would rather not think on.

So, with the dawning of a new day, a new year, or even a new moment, I have hopes for peace, comfort and rest. I believe I am experiencing all those things and more in each and every day. I believe I receive the opposite of “fight” each time I hold my daughter in my arms. It's the same feeling of when I lay in my husband's arms. It's the feeling of family, of warmth, of closeness, of a general feeling of belonging that I rest in almost every day.

As the years have added to my life these new experiences and warm feelings, I am filled with such thankfulness for a Father in Heaven, Who has walked with me through the winding roads of my past, and Who is straightening those paths in front of me as we walk into a future I only dreamed of before.

I look up at Him, my precious Father and Friend, and I say thank you, Jesus, for leading me out of my “fight” and into my peace.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”—Jeremiah 29:11

Sinaia, Romania (2005)

His Way is Perfect

 (Originally Written March 6, 2007)

“He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he.”—Deuteronomy 32:4

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.”—2 Samuel 22:31

“As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.”—Psalm 18:30

How much more of an end to complaining about what is happening and what is not happening in my life do I need in these verses? I think, I’m 33, and single, and childless. But, “His way is perfect.” I am living at home with mom, making reasonably good money, resettling into American life at a nice pace after coming back from two years in Romania … but, I’m NOT so many things. Again, “His way is perfect.” I am only an assistant at a TV station … “His way is perfect.” I’m not serving Him on the mission field in any capacity like I had envisioned myself doing when I believe God called me to the field … nor do I really have the burden to do that again right now.

“His way is perfect.”

Oh my soul, can you not make these verses the meditation of your heart should you go through another low moment? Remind yourself of His perfection in your life when you dream the big plans, but God’s door does not seem to open on the future you had originally envisioned for yourself.

Oh, my soul, beg God for wisdom and discernment and the capacity to remain spiritual and weed out those things that are stunting your growth.

Lord, help me and mold me into the image You have for me, and help me be contented and pleased to find that Your way is ever right ….ever beautiful … and ever perfect.

I love You so very much and am so glad You are a part of my life. And that I am a part of Yours. Help the meditations of my heart as I lay my head on the pillow be filled with these thoughts tonight … and warmed by the brightness of Your love for me.

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Fast forward to November 20, 2013, and I can truly say all my waiting and my trusting God have led me to the “desires of my heart.” Today, at 40, I have been married for just over three years to a wonderful man, and we are raising a beautiful little girl. I do not know where we are going from here, but I do know, yes, “His way is perfect.”

Morro Bay, CA

Five Minute Friday: Belong

For as long as I can remember, I had always wanted my own family. I think it was an outgrowth of not having the “perfect” childhood … who does. But there were some unique trials in my growing up that did two things to me. Before Christ leading my life, it was a rejection of the traditional marriage and family. I was going to be a career woman and that was that. I was allergic to men, I told myself. It made me feel okay with such a strong rejection of what I thought was expected of me. But then, the age of 23 hit, and I knew I was making bad choices. Stupid choices and dangerous choices. I knew this was wrong and I became to feel it like a two-ton weight on my back. I yearned for wholeness. For healing. For clear-headedness on life.

Everything seemed so confusing and monumental, and not in a good way, and I craved peace.

And that’s when it changed. I looked up instead of out. I yielded upward, my life, my choices, my future, and for the first time, I began to feel a sense of belonging. A church family helped that. My own relatives guided me toward that destination. Jesus decided to give me a heart’s desire for a husband and family. Only, instead of trusting in His perfect timing and plans, I had my own idea of how it was to happen.

But He gently nudged me in the right direction.

Sibiu, Romania (December 2005)

Five Minute Friday: Beautiful

Let's just start with one of my favorite subjects in all the world—my beautiful daughter. I look at her and it never ceases to amaze me just how beautiful she is. I love her eyes, her face, her beautiful dimples when she chooses to show them. I love the curls of her hair, and the intrepid way she explores our house. I love the color of her skin and the way it feels the next day after a bath and some lotion. I love her calm ways and her intermittent intensities that mark her learning.

I love the days, weeks, months and hours that have passed in which I have gotten to know her more and more. I love her “Daughter, your heart's not in that” whines and the way she (every time!) throws her sippy cup to the floor from her high chair, as if it was going to land a different way than it did the last one-thousandth time!

I love her. I love her. I love her. But you want to know something about this love? It was not instant. I didn't feel what I feel for her today, when she entered our lives. And the beauty of it? The pure beauty of it? I know I will feel even more love for her tomorrow and the day after that, and yes, the day after that. For that is the beauty of being her mother.

(This was my second take of the FMF prompt, and it was truthfully written in a little over five minutes, which is that italicized part at the end.) 

My daughter's curls.
(Spokane, WA, July 2013)

Five Minute Friday: Rhythm

Quiet has its own rhythm. The silence of the house. The soundless look of love your baby passes your way. The way spaghetti boils on the stove and the casserole cooks in the oven.

Trees grow and flowers grow and to my husband's dismay, grass grows all too quickly. Sun shines and rain sprinkles. Even children playing far off in the distance on their favorite playground swing has a silent rhythm. A quiet joy that tickles your heart and brings a smile to your face. To your soul.

Silence is a priceless sound that many do not take note of. Jesus often wanted to leave the multitude to catch “His breath,” if you will. He needed a quiet reprieve with His heavenly Father in between His compassionate healings of all mankind.

His hugs to us come in silence. He directs His still small voice as He points us to the “hug” our heart's needed in that very moment. A beautiful thought. A gorgeous picture. A view from up above. All that whisper to our heart the sweet sound of His love.

Stehekin, WA (2010)

Five Minute Friday: Comfort

Holy Spirit, the Great Comforter, please be my guide as I attempt to share a precious memory that is only one day old.

Yesterday, my daughter, who is just shy of 10 months old, gave me a gift. It was a gift covered in her smile and wrapped with her squeals of affection. We were resting together on the living room couch—after a long day filled with so much activity. Dishes—as in her bottles—were dirty in the sink but I forced myself to enjoy a restful moment with my daughter.

And it was not found wanting.

I wrapped her with my arms and pulled her close, covered with one of her beautiful blankets. And we spent time cuddling, laughing, kissing and hugging.

At that moment, my heart was sealed with love for my precious daughter.

Inside, my heart was filled with so much comfort, affection and love.

It was precious. My gift, this first Mother’s Day.

Five Minute Friday: Remember

Here's today's "Five Minute Friday" Post - Today's prompt is Remember. (More information about what the Five Minute Friday is can be read on my blog post here.) 

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Remembering. How long does that take.  It can just be a few seconds, and I remember what I should have said.

It could be a matter of days, weeks, years, before I glimpse that face of yours that I was always supposed to remember. The smile of your cheeks. The crinkle of your nose. And that laugh of yours bringing me such joy. 

Even before I get to the future, I want to remember you as you are today. And how can I do that? How can I live fully in the moment with you in the here and now, and then when the time comes when you’re walking upright with your books in your hands, talking to me about what happened in lunch period, will I remember you today. With the two little teeth cropping up and the tail you’ve had since you were born still there in long wisps down the back of your neck? Will I remember all the cute shoes I HAD to get you, when we go shopping for your 8^th grade school clothes or when you are having a hard time choosing which shoes to wear with your graduation gown.

Will I remember? I hope so. I hope I remember all the words I’ve spoken to you in the stillness of my heart. 

I hope you remember the words I’ve spoken when mommy apologizes for her harsh words and when like the cool breeze on a hot day, mommy tells you, everything is going to be ok.

Five Minute Friday: Rest

Last week, when I was reading my friend's blog, Four For France, she had this funny "button" located at the bottom of her entry. Well, I was curious, and I clicked on it and discovered an online writing forum that sung to me! It was called "Five Minute Friday," and it was started by Lisa Jo Baker at Lisajobaker.com. She sends out a writing  prompt, every Friday, and the writer then takes five minutes to write anything that comes to them, without editing or over thinking. They are supposed to just write. What fun! I thought.

I then read some of Lisa's writings and was not only impressed with her talent and musings but I was also inspired to begin writing "outward" to an audience, and not for myself alone ... thus, my blog.

The other inspiration came from Jenn who writes the above-mentioned "Four For France," a blog about her life as she and her family serve God as missionaries to France. I love how she uses her writing to share her daily moments and how they often relate to Jesus and His work in her life.

Anyway, here goes my first "Five Minute Friday," and I have to be completely honest, I did some minor editing. (Old habits, you know.)

Next time, you will see the flaws and all!

And do click on that funny little button at the end of this post!

Today's prompt, as the title of this post alludes to, is rest.

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What is that word in my daily life? Is it the time (quiet or otherwise) when I spend time in conversational prayer and Bible reading with my Lord? Is it when I am forced to hold my child in my arms as I feed her the nourishment she needs to grow? Is it in front of a stove, when my child is playing by herself on the floor in the room next to me, as I lovingly prepare a meal for my husband?

Or is it the time I spend – the few minutes of time, that is – when I rest my body on my bed, with my back to the pillows and that soft light emanates from my table lamp, and I can quietly read a passage from whatever book has captured my interest at that time, when, while I read, I can hear the soft sounds of my baby sleeping in the room next to me?

Or could my rest be looking out of my home office window into the forest of trees and nature my husband has so tenderly nurtured in the years he’s lived in this house, as I watch the wind blow on the branches outside and the squirrels lovingly do their “dating” rituals?

I don’t know what rest is for you, but I think for me it’s in the little moments like these I experience throughout my day.

Walk Worthy

“… walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Ephesians 4:1-3

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Ephesians 4:29

Yesterday and today have been darkened by many discouraging thoughts. As those thoughts came up, I would pray, “Lord, give me grace for help in this time of need” and “I ask for your peace Lord.” I, then, would quote, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto to you: not as the world giveth, give I unto to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)

And so, even this morning, as I cry out to my Lord because of a particular burden to my soul about my church and my failings in my walk with Him, I can sense His grace, His love for me, settling my heart, and, I believe, communicating with me and telling me a few things about how to approach this particular hurt in my heart about the way this church of mine in Romania proceeds.

First, I believe He said to me in a still small voice that this is my church, and whatever the problem I may be having with it may be, it is mine. With that in mind, He revealed to me that I am a part of this church and that I am to try and make it work like a marriage.

So, this is where the above verses to this devotion fit in. I forgive and forbear, all in love. Whatever issue with this or that person grates on my nerves or raises my cackles, I am to forbear, to be longsuffering, to love, and to lead by example.

And then, the last thing I want to mention is how I am supposed to use my words, letting no corrupt thing escape my lips, but only words that are good, to be used for edification, so they may minister grace unto the hearers.

I am supposed to have a beautiful mouth.

All this, again, reinstates this idea that I am to lead by example. To grow in my own walk, not to point out what I see are the faults of others. In that growth process, as much as my example follows the Lord Jesus Christ, I will, then, lead by example.

Jesus, help me to have a good example in front of others “with all lowliness and meekness” (emphasis mine). You can use it to strengthen the unity of Your Spirit in our church, in Your bond of peace. Oh, my, Lord, Jesus Christ, I am weak and beggardly in the face of this task, and I ask that You be the strength in my weakness that the task at hand will be used for Your glory.

(Originally written on November 21, 2005, in response to my discouragement in the church I joined in Romania. To give an honest background, this church was in large part a ministry to the Romanian Gypsies, who are a culture so different than my own. I was simply struggling to love them as I should. I have great respect to the Morgan Family, who have been missionaries to this largely unreached population. A lot of mission-fields are challenging, and I got to experience first-hand the challenges of working with the poor and Gypsy population in the town I lived while I was in the Peace Corps.)

Rupea, Romania (August 2005)